Most parents I know put their heart & soul into rearing their children. Sweat, blood, tears, swears (sometimes), laughter... It all goes into molding our children for their future. We all know that there will come a time to let go... but how do we know how far to "let go"? My youngest is graduating next week. She is the first of my children to go to college (if we can make it through the damn paperwork and financials, yadda yadda). I am fine with having an "empty nest". I have plans of finding another part time job to fill my time and fill the college's bank account.
But... this question was asked of me today...."I know I need to let go, but how far do I know to let go? And what if I let go too much?" My answer was simple... your child will tell you! LOL Throughout our children's lives, they are born making their needs and wants known. Crying for diaper changes or food, asking verbally for help with homework, asking or whining until their needs or wants are known. It is the same as they get older, just a different form of "asking". It might be words unsaid, but a look that tells it all. I watch for the "looks"... they tell their own story about how the day went, what might or might not have happened, what heart ache or happiness needs to be shared. My daughter is stressed over ending of her High School life and starting another "life". She is bordering on a "secret" life of growing up and what now is to be shared or not shared with her Mom. I have done the only thing I felt I should... I left her a note on her bed. We all experience life and with it the new things that growing up brings. We all have choices to be made with the new things growing up brings into our life. It is her life now... It is her choices now. Ah... yes, the joys of growing up... Ah, YES! The moments that will define our future, make us into the person we will be (whether we want those choices to do that or not), and the choices on changing those choices... THANK GOD, I don't have to relive that!! LOL Here's to our children... the future is now THEIRS! :)

Why I haven't posted...

I find I am not willing to have much sadness that is written down. Writing (or in this case typing) makes things more... permenant... I guess in my mind. This has been the year of sadness for my family and friends... 3 suicides, 4 car accidents that took young lives, 2 friends or family experiencing cancer : just to name a few of the most important aspects from this past year...
My goal or ?want? is to return to blogging and use it to uplift my soul (which is why I started in the first place!), but I have not set a time limit on making that happen... my soul needs time to heal.
I will hold onto the good of this past year and hope and pray for brighter tomorrow's! :)

Time.. Dates...

Time is a thief, a healer, a worrier... and so much more... It is a measurement, an encouragement, and so much more... Time... we never seem to have enough of it, always wanting more, but when it is given to us, we don't always know what to do with it...

My Dad & My Grand daughter Christmas 2010

There is a saying or quote or whatever that talks about the dates on a gravestone...
Born:00/00/000 - Passed:00/00/0000...... The date you were born, it is not something we remember other then a date, but it is something our parents, family, and friends that are older then us will remember and cherish as an occasion for celebration. The dash -, that is the years between our day of birth and our passing. The passing date, you may or may not remember it, and you may or may not cherish it. Others will remember it, family, friends, even people that maybe we only met once, and even those that we have never met, but somehow we have touched their lives... The dash - The years between your life and your passing...... What happened during those years...?
My father's dash is getting shorter... He has multiple myeloma... He has spent time recently in the hospital (2 times to be exact within a month period).. His dash... He was a pastor and church founder.. started churches, worked at churches, talked to churches, etc.. Spread God's word.. Touched lives... Touched lives... Touched lives... Touched MY life!!!!! Touched my life in so many ways that I do not have the emotional strength to type it!! :( I want his dash to keep going on and on and on forever... but that is not life is it..... So while I have been given the time... I will use it... and I enjoy whatever time is left of Dad's dash & be thankful every day that I was given that time! And yes... today I am crying during some of that dash.. just saying...

Life... in the way again...

I lurk, stalk, sometimes post on others pages, but on my own, the "pages" sit blank awaiting words. There are not a lot of words that I have wanted to share lately to be honest with you. Life goes on, the days slip by, work and mundane tasks to survive are completed, I hug my grandkids & kids and tell them I love them at every chance I get! Those chances just seem to be fewer in our hectic lives. And then...
My heart is in turmoil over a friends decision.... and my heart just can't quite grasp it all.... I pray for her children every day and I can't stop thinking about the "why's".. and there are no answers..... she is no longer here to provide them... and I think about the work & mundane tasks that fill my day and they aren't bad to me... they fill time, sometimes are annoying, but... they are a part of my life and include those that I love in it... and... it is fulfilling, not always fun, but there are times of laughter and tears, but... it is enough for me... it doesn't seem like a burden but a gift... and I wish that I had done or said something to show her how wonderful her gift was also.......

Christmas is coming...

 and there are so many sad faces... 

• Money is tight...
• Loved ones are spending their Christmas in Heaven...
• Those "around" you are mentioning the "cool" things they know they are getting...
• People you want to spend the day with have only limited time to spare...
• You don't have money for the things you would love to get people...
• You know your gifts to others will bring disappointment, even though they will try not to show it...
• There is so few days left to prepare and you feel overwhelmed...
• Life has brought changes into your life and holiday's only make that change more apparent and harder to bear...
• ...

These are a few of the things that I know personally are affecting those around me and myself this Christmas year. It breaks my heart and actually brings tears to my eyes knowing and seeing how sad a "holiday" has made others feel. There are so many expectations associated with this "holiday"... gifts, smiles, laughter, food... The expectations don't seem like a big thing if you take them one by one... til you combine them with the "holiday".  

I know there are those reading this that say this "holiday" isn't about what you get or give, it is about the birth of Christ, God's gift to man, etc.... Yes, you are right!!! But... as joyous as that is & as wonderful as that is... we are all human... we all have wants, desires, yearnings for something "more" to give, "more" to receive, on this day of the year! 

With tears in their eye & one of those dang fake smiles on their face, I have had  friends mention to me that they weren't going to let "circumstances" and "things" get in the way of their Christmas celebration. That they would celebrate with their whole heart Jesus's birthday & what that has meant for them and their lives!! That the gifts wouldn't matter, that the certain recipe not being made wouldn't matter, that others would be looking down from Heaven!! I know these people and I know they believe the things they mentioned!! I know the people will do their darnedest best to make that true!! But... I also know... that those "things" WILL affect their day! That those "things" WILL make their heart heavy on the day we celebrate Jesus's birth!

There are no easy answers... I can say and I WILL pray for them - and of course for myself and my family!... I can say they will be in my thoughts & I will reach out to them on that day! But... I can not take away that fake smile except for but a moment, I can not make the tears ones of joy, except for but a moment, I can not bring them laughter from the heart, except for but a moment... But damn it! THOSE MOMENTS COUNT!!! So............ REACH OUT people!! Give a SMILE! Give a HUG! Give some PRAYERS! Give some of your TIME! 

Make those moments happen!! 

BTW: My reply to each of the people mentioned above...."Are you daft?! Of course those things will affect your day ya Goof!" .....There's a smile... there's a laugh... just for a moment...

Grandchildren

When we have our children, God allows us to have a glimpse of Heaven & the wonders of it all. Sadly as our children grow & the hecticness of life interferes we tend to forget those wonders & the simplicity of life. Then... along come Grandchildren... and once again God sends us a reminder of the joys & wonders of the little things in life... Thank you Lord for children & the reminder of how much beauty there is in the world that I seem to have forgotten!

Alexxa & Elijah Oct 24th, 2010

It's been how long??? Wow!!

I happened upon a blog post tonight, of course I had to log in to comment - just one word - "Wow"... It is a must read, trust me on that one! My question to you & to myself...
What memories as a mom will you leave....
Click and read one man's story - you will not regret taking the time to do that!

I once quilted....

Such a sad statement :( Breaks my heart actually! I love viewing the online world of quilting and seeing everyone's progress and projects! But, alas.... I have 5 in "full" progress & about 4 in "wanna be progress" and have had them in "progress" for over a year, and no time to work on them!

I miss the days of matching colors, laying out rows, pinning.... okay, I don't miss pinning sorry! LOL Today I am dreaming of a day when I can find some time to fit in some quilting - never hurts to dream!!

changes....

Changes are happening constantly in our lives! Some of them we barely notice, some we fight for everything we are worth! Change in some instances is good, whether we are aware of it at the time or not lol Change is something that we NEED in our lives - I am not talking about clothing, well, yes, that needs to be changed often! lol I am talking about changes in our surroundings OR in our reaction to our surrounds...Change WITHIN ourselves! Change of the way we look at things or people! Those types of changes ARE needed! Partially it is a part of growing up, maturing, getting older. Part of it is to keep up with the times - like cell phones, email, blogging, etc... Once we accept that change is needed, and accept that change should be a welcome thing, then we have to figure out how we will handle the change that comes our way. Some changes are not for the better, some are. Some would harm our future, some would benefit our future. Do not fight change unless it is harmful to yourself or others. Embrace change as long as it appears to be beneficial and does not harm others. Go into your search about a change with an open heart and an open mind and lots of prayers! :)

Life has a way, of getting in the way of... life.

Do you ever feel like the days go by so fast that you feel a week, maybe months behind on your own life? That would describe the last year for me. Lots has happened, and in a lot of ways, nothing has happened - But, when I look back.... it brings joy & smiles to my heart!

~Daily routines that, yes, are monotonous are, in a lot of ways, just showing love to those around you... chores, work, yadda yadda... the to do list, is a list of love works! :)
~Momentous occasions are reminders of time flowing by and that we need to savor each and every moment we have! :)
~Changes come and go, and the reality of it all, is that our reaction is more of a change in our lives then the actual change. Sometimes ya gotta let go & let God!
~Plans made, plans cancelled, plans accomplished... goals made, goals forsaken, goals accomplished... just another way of life showing you that it will go on, with or without you.
~Life.............................................. is to be LIVED................................... not by just watching it go by................ but by LIVING each moment to the fullest....................... so that when you look back............ you have too many memories to remember them all............... but a smile on your face!