Why I haven't posted...

I find I am not willing to have much sadness that is written down. Writing (or in this case typing) makes things more... permenant... I guess in my mind. This has been the year of sadness for my family and friends... 3 suicides, 4 car accidents that took young lives, 2 friends or family experiencing cancer : just to name a few of the most important aspects from this past year...
My goal or ?want? is to return to blogging and use it to uplift my soul (which is why I started in the first place!), but I have not set a time limit on making that happen... my soul needs time to heal.
I will hold onto the good of this past year and hope and pray for brighter tomorrow's! :)

Time.. Dates...

Time is a thief, a healer, a worrier... and so much more... It is a measurement, an encouragement, and so much more... Time... we never seem to have enough of it, always wanting more, but when it is given to us, we don't always know what to do with it...

My Dad & My Grand daughter Christmas 2010

There is a saying or quote or whatever that talks about the dates on a gravestone...
Born:00/00/000 - Passed:00/00/0000...... The date you were born, it is not something we remember other then a date, but it is something our parents, family, and friends that are older then us will remember and cherish as an occasion for celebration. The dash -, that is the years between our day of birth and our passing. The passing date, you may or may not remember it, and you may or may not cherish it. Others will remember it, family, friends, even people that maybe we only met once, and even those that we have never met, but somehow we have touched their lives... The dash - The years between your life and your passing...... What happened during those years...?
My father's dash is getting shorter... He has multiple myeloma... He has spent time recently in the hospital (2 times to be exact within a month period).. His dash... He was a pastor and church founder.. started churches, worked at churches, talked to churches, etc.. Spread God's word.. Touched lives... Touched lives... Touched lives... Touched MY life!!!!! Touched my life in so many ways that I do not have the emotional strength to type it!! :( I want his dash to keep going on and on and on forever... but that is not life is it..... So while I have been given the time... I will use it... and I enjoy whatever time is left of Dad's dash & be thankful every day that I was given that time! And yes... today I am crying during some of that dash.. just saying...

Life... in the way again...

I lurk, stalk, sometimes post on others pages, but on my own, the "pages" sit blank awaiting words. There are not a lot of words that I have wanted to share lately to be honest with you. Life goes on, the days slip by, work and mundane tasks to survive are completed, I hug my grandkids & kids and tell them I love them at every chance I get! Those chances just seem to be fewer in our hectic lives. And then...
My heart is in turmoil over a friends decision.... and my heart just can't quite grasp it all.... I pray for her children every day and I can't stop thinking about the "why's".. and there are no answers..... she is no longer here to provide them... and I think about the work & mundane tasks that fill my day and they aren't bad to me... they fill time, sometimes are annoying, but... they are a part of my life and include those that I love in it... and... it is fulfilling, not always fun, but there are times of laughter and tears, but... it is enough for me... it doesn't seem like a burden but a gift... and I wish that I had done or said something to show her how wonderful her gift was also.......

Christmas is coming...

 and there are so many sad faces... 

• Money is tight...
• Loved ones are spending their Christmas in Heaven...
• Those "around" you are mentioning the "cool" things they know they are getting...
• People you want to spend the day with have only limited time to spare...
• You don't have money for the things you would love to get people...
• You know your gifts to others will bring disappointment, even though they will try not to show it...
• There is so few days left to prepare and you feel overwhelmed...
• Life has brought changes into your life and holiday's only make that change more apparent and harder to bear...
• ...

These are a few of the things that I know personally are affecting those around me and myself this Christmas year. It breaks my heart and actually brings tears to my eyes knowing and seeing how sad a "holiday" has made others feel. There are so many expectations associated with this "holiday"... gifts, smiles, laughter, food... The expectations don't seem like a big thing if you take them one by one... til you combine them with the "holiday".  

I know there are those reading this that say this "holiday" isn't about what you get or give, it is about the birth of Christ, God's gift to man, etc.... Yes, you are right!!! But... as joyous as that is & as wonderful as that is... we are all human... we all have wants, desires, yearnings for something "more" to give, "more" to receive, on this day of the year! 

With tears in their eye & one of those dang fake smiles on their face, I have had  friends mention to me that they weren't going to let "circumstances" and "things" get in the way of their Christmas celebration. That they would celebrate with their whole heart Jesus's birthday & what that has meant for them and their lives!! That the gifts wouldn't matter, that the certain recipe not being made wouldn't matter, that others would be looking down from Heaven!! I know these people and I know they believe the things they mentioned!! I know the people will do their darnedest best to make that true!! But... I also know... that those "things" WILL affect their day! That those "things" WILL make their heart heavy on the day we celebrate Jesus's birth!

There are no easy answers... I can say and I WILL pray for them - and of course for myself and my family!... I can say they will be in my thoughts & I will reach out to them on that day! But... I can not take away that fake smile except for but a moment, I can not make the tears ones of joy, except for but a moment, I can not bring them laughter from the heart, except for but a moment... But damn it! THOSE MOMENTS COUNT!!! So............ REACH OUT people!! Give a SMILE! Give a HUG! Give some PRAYERS! Give some of your TIME! 

Make those moments happen!! 

BTW: My reply to each of the people mentioned above...."Are you daft?! Of course those things will affect your day ya Goof!" .....There's a smile... there's a laugh... just for a moment...